


One step back and one step forward

by AerynSun75



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Arrow 3x07, F/M, Friendship, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AerynSun75/pseuds/AerynSun75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After dinner John and Oliver talk. (additional scene at the end of 3x07)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I read many stories about 'the kiss' between Felicity and Ray Palmer. But I found Oliver's reaction much more interesting. So here's my theory about it.
> 
> I own nothing.

Diggle switched off the lights in the kitchen and made his way to the couch. Oliver sat there staring at the game on the TV, but apparently he was lost in thoughts. The older man sat down beside his friend. Though the silence wasn't uncomfortable, the whole evening left him with so many questions. He had been surprised, when Oliver called and asked, if the invitation was still open and if he could bring Roy. Dinner itself had been pleasant with lots of laughter over little Sara's antics. Afterwards Lyla had been tired, so she went to bed quite soon. Roy had been around for some beers, but has left about a quarter of an hour before. So that left him sitting there beside Oliver, wondering what had brought the younger man here.

Finally Diggle couldn't stand it any longer. Subtlety never really worked between Oliver and him so he decided on a direct approach.

"So, Oliver... is there something you might want to talk about or do you need more time thinking it over and over in your head."

Oliver didn't answer at once, and John thought he may have been mistaken about his friend's frame of mind.

"They kissed." Two words, which held so much meaning and consequence.

John sighed. Though he knew exactly, who Oliver was talking about, he asked: "Felicity and Palmer?"

"Yeah. After we talked, I went to see her. It was strange walking in there and see the 'Palmer Technologies' logo everywhere. I was actually afraid, that security would not let me go upstairs to see her. I mean there is no longer my name on the building. They could..."

"Oliver, you babble." John smiled.

Oliver looked over and returned the smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "She is in my old office now, did you know?" Not waiting for an answer, he continued: "I shouldn't have made her my executive assistant. She was absolutely overqualified for that. But it was convenient for me. I wanted to make my life easier by having her by my side. I needed her there. I gave her a job, she hated, but I made it look like I promoted her. How could I be so selfish?!"

"She didn't hate it. She wasn't overly enthusiastic at the beginning." Oliver snorted and John had to chuckle. "Ok, so yes, she was mad as hell. But she likes working with you and besides the real assistant work she had lots of her kind of stuff to do - in the office and at the foundry. If she really hated it as much as you think, you would have know, believe me. Felicity Smoak is not someone to hold back on her opinion."

They both had to smile and fell silent. Again it was Diggle, who had to prompt his friend to go on. "What happened, Oliver?"

"I came around the corner and saw them kissing in her office. She had her face in my direction, but her eyes were closed." Shaking his head to get the picture out of his mind Oliver closed his eyes. "It was like a kick in the guts. For a moment I couldn't move."

"Oliver, what did you do!" John was worried. The whole situation was destined to go south.

"Nothing." Oliver shook his head. "I did nothing. I took a step back. Back around the corner. Back to the elevator. Down to the lobby. I kind of been on autopilot on my way back to the foundry. I couldn't get that picture out of my head. The whole time I was like 'I have to go back' and 'I have to tell her'."

"But you didn't." John looked compassionately at the younger man.

"No, I was standing in that damn basement, staring at the floor, seeing that fern sitting on the desk. And suddenly I realized, that it wouldn't make a difference. I could go back to Felicity. I could tell her, that I love her." He now looked John directly in the eyes. "That is no longer the problem. I told her before. She knows. But she also knows, that I pushed her away. That I cannot be with her, not now. And that hasn't changed. I would again just dangling maybes."

John chuckled and turned serious again. "I am sorry. I'm not laughing at you. Just... 'dangling maybes'?"

Oliver smiled. "Felicity called it that. And she was right. I mean I told her, that I loved her, in order to let a mad man think, he outthought me. And when she tried to talk about it on the beach on Lian Yu, I said absolutely nothing. I just stood there thinking how remarkable she was. Then, after months of dancing around each other I finally took your advice and asked her out. And the date... It was the best date I ever had. There was no pretence. We already knew each other, including all our flaws and weaknesses. We just could be ourselves. I told her things about my past and it was neither difficult nor painful. It felt natural. As if it was meant to be." He closed his eyes. "And then this damn rocket reminded me, that loving her may not be enough. On the contrary, it may be her ruin."

"Don't you think, that's a little melodramatic. She barely had a scratch. She...".

"I thought she was dead." Oliver sat with his head down. "When I first saw her. I... could barely hear anything from the explosion. I just saw all the blood on her face. I moved over to her and tried to hear her heartbeat, but couldn't. Then I finally felt her pulse... weak, but steady. But it was enough. In those few moments I thought she was dead, that my crusade had killed her." He finally opened his eyes and looks directly in Diggle's. "I pulled back. I pushed her away, almost immediately after she woke up. But that wasn't the worst I did. Has she told you?"

Diggle shook his head. "She told me, that you broke up with her, but nothing specific." He thought about, what could be worse than ending their relationship before it began. "Has it anything to do with the dangling maybes?"

Oliver nodded. "It was in the hospital, after Lyla gave birth to Sara. I told her I couldn't be with her now, perhaps never - that I couldn't be the Arrow and Oliver Queen. And she didn't want this uncertainty - the maybes. She started to babble and kind of demanded from me to tell her I didn't love her."  


"And did you?"

"No. In that moment I got carried away. I kissed her. And again it was perfect. Meant to be. And when I ended the kiss and we opened our eyes, I saw a flicker of hope in hers. I told her to not asked me to say I don't love her. And I saw the hope disappear. She turned around and left and I let her."  


"And since then...?"

"After Sara's death, we talked, but it just increased our distance. She asked me how I could be so cold, so rational. I was barely holding it together, but - as I told her then - I couldn't let myself feel. I had to be strong, because everyone was looking at me to lead."

"Sara's death had a huge impact on all of us. But, Oliver, you are allowed to feel."

"Yeah, she told me the same. That I was still a human being."

"You are."

"But back then, I couldn't let myself... When I looked at Sara's body, I thought, that this would probably be my future. Someday it would be me, lying on that table. Dead in that basement."

"You told her that, too?"

"Yes, and should have known her reaction. She said, that she couldn't wait down there with me for that day and that she wanted more from life."

"So, that's why she suddenly accepted Palmer's job offer. I always wondered."

"We didn't really talk after that. I made a comment about my feelings for her during her mum's visit. But that's it!"

Oliver stood up from the couch and went to window, starring out into the darkness.

John already learned a lot about his friend's complicated relationship tonight, but he still wanted to know, how Oliver ended up having dinner with them. "So... you saw them kiss."

Turning around Oliver looked slightly sheepish. "I was ready to trash the foundry."

Diggle's eyebrows shot up. "But you didn't, right?"

"No, I only shoved some things off the desk, but that was it, because Roy came in. My first thought then was an excessive training session with Roy to blow of some steam. My usual course of action. Spending hours loosing myself in that basement..."

Without noticing John repeated his last question: "But you didn't?"

"Do you remember, what you said, when I told you, that I didn't want to die in that basement."  


"I remember. I said; ''Then don't!'."

Oliver sat down again. "That's kind of the reason I came over here with Roy tonight. I still don't want to die in that damn basement. So I need to leave it. Don't get me wrong. I am not giving up being the Arrow, but 'He' cannot be all that I am. And I realised the same goes for Roy. He has to deal with a lot - the death of that officer, Thea... It isn't enough, that I don't abandon him. He also needs something outside this basement, a life."

Both men sat in silence for a while, before John couldn't hold back any longer.

"So, Felicity..."

"I am still not ready. I cannot be what she wants me to be. Not right now and perhaps not ever. I can still only offer her maybes. But tonight I realized, what I have to do. As much as I love her, I have to get myself sorted out first. I have to find out where I stand, who I am as the Arrow and as Oliver Queen."

"You might lose her. When she really falls for Palmer..."

"I know, believe me, I know." Oliver closed his eyes. "I will not hide, how I feel about her. But I cannot demand anything from her right now. It wouldn't be fair. Felicity deserves more than maybes. So I will be her friend and get comfortable with her again. Then - maybe - ..." He smiled and this time it reached his eyes. "... someday I will have sorted out my own life and be ready to be, what she wants, what she deserves."

John was quiet for almost a minute. Then he raised his beer to Oliver, waited for him to do the same and said: "To first steps, may many more follow. And to Oliver Queen, may he be found soon." They clinked their bottles and took a swing. Inwardly Diggle added 'And to Felicity Smoak, may she not stop believing'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity needs to talk too. Who do you think she's going to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote a one-shot, but nearly immediately after I posted the first chapter, I thought, that Felicity needed also someone to confide in.
> 
> I own nothing.
> 
> Except the mistakes - those are mine. (I read this like ten times and corrected bits and pieces. You have to live with the rest.)

John Diggle looked around the living room. All remnants of yesterday's dinner had been cleared away, but his mind kept going back to his talk with Oliver. He could understand his reasons. He could still remember Felicity laying on the table in the foundry, the blood on her face as red as her dress. He could understand his fear of her getting hurt, but he could not accept it. He had seen them coming together slowly over the last two years, Oliver opening up and Felicity’s crush evolving into real emotions. To see those two people apart and hurting just wasn't right.

He went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Lyla would be back in an hour, and after dinner he would be heading over to the foundry. Their shared evening meal was treasured by both of them.

His household chores were disturbed by someone knocking on the door urgently. Laying down the knife he used to slice vegetables John made his way to the door. Through the spyhole he could see Felicity. Before she could knock again, he opened the door.

As usual she was wearing a colourful dress and high-heeled shoes.

“Hey, Felicity. Is something wrong? I thought we meet later at the foundry?”

She was uneasy and not really looking him in the eyes. "Hi... can I come in? If you are busy, I can come back some other time."

John opened the door wider. "Sorry, of course, come in. I just didn't expect anyone." He gave his friend a hug. "Would it be ok, if we go into the kitchen? I am just preparing dinner." 

Felicity closed the door and followed him to the kitchen.

Before he even had time to offer her some water or a seat, Felicity started speaking: "He kissed me!"

Why were they always blurting it out so suddenly, Diggle thought. He didn't want to betray Oliver's trust, but after his talk with Felicity in her office yesterday, he didn’t need to pretend to be clueless. So he asked: "Who? Oliver or Palmer?"

"Both! And Barry too, to be honest." Felicity blushed. “Not all at once! I mean, that would be disturbing. This was on totally independent occasions and not even on the same day. They..."

"Felicity!" Her eyes shot up to him. "Breathe! And slow down. Start with the reason you are here right now. Why are you so unsettled?"

Felicity sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen table and so did John. Dinner could wait for now.

"Ray Palmer kissed me. Yesterday evening. After I left the foundry I went back to the office, to finish some papers. Also, I still had the necklace, which I shouldn't really have worn in the glades. But that's so not the point right now." Taking a deep breath she continued. "He helped me unfastening the necklace and then we were standing there, looking at each other and he leaned down and kissed me. It could not have been more than ten seconds. And I kind of kissed him back..."

John cursed inwardly. Ten seconds! These two really had an exceptional timing. "So, when we talked yesterday afternoon. You said there was nothing between you and Palmer."

"There wasn't. And there isn't. I think. I mean afterwards it was just awkward. He said sorry and that he wanted to keep things platonic. Then he left with a ‘see you tomorrow'.”

“And today?”

“Today it was as if nothing happened. He came by my office in the morning and talked purely about business. We had a meeting in the afternoon and again there was no sign, that he even thought about that kiss.” She groaned. “I really have a type." 

"What do you mean? What kind…?" John was interrupted by little Sara’s cries from the baby phone. “Sorry, I just fetch her. She needs her bottle.”

Two minutes later he came back with his daughter. He gave her to Felicity and started preparing the baby bottle. “So?”

Felicity was slightly distracted sliming at the little girl. “Mhm…?”

“You just said you have a type.” John was really curious now.

"Oh, yeah. Oliver and Ray. The parallels are really frightening. Let’s see: Good looking and knowing it, which is even worse. - Charming - except when Oliver is in his Arrow mode. - Billionaires - though Oliver is kind of broke. Not that money is important to me. And then yesterday morning I nearly lost it. I thought I hallucinate. I came into Ray's office. And there he was - shirtless - on a salmon ladder - though Oliver's is bigger." At John's chuckle she hesitated only shortly. "But the worst is, they both kissed me and then ended it, before anything really began. I mean Oliver told me that even before he kissed me."

Looking really desperate she summarised: “So that's my type. Shirtless billionaires with commitment issues!"

John had to smile. "So, how does Barry fit into this? Not exactly your type!"

"Have you ever wished, that you could choose, who to fall in love with? I think I would choose Barry. It's so easy. We think alike. We like the same things. He is handsome." Looking up at her friend, she looks defeated. "But when we kissed, it was just nice. No chemistry. Why can life not be easier?"

John took a moment to collect his thoughts. Finally he looked up at the young woman. "You always can have easy. But the difficult things... they make your life complete and worth living."

Felicity scowled. "Now you sound like a fortune cookie!"

"Maybe." John replied, "but it is true nonetheless. Think about me and Lyla. We both had our chance years ago. We loved each other, but failed. We were with others and it was never quite right. And now we are together again and have a beautiful daughter." He smiled at the little girl in Felicity's lap. "But that does not mean, we can stop fighting for our happiness. We are still the same stubborn people we were back then, but we have something to fight for."

Felicity remained silent after this. John took little Sara and started feeding her.

Felicity sighed. "So what? In your opinion I am supposed to fight to be with Oliver in the hope, that he changes his mind? How long should I wait? A month? A year? Five Years?" She looked at him angrily. "You already made it clear yesterday, that I should keep my distance from Ray to not hurt Oliver. Should I resign my job too, so that Oliver is happy?"

John looked at her slightly remorseful and began: "I was - at least partly - wrong yesterday." At this Felicity's eyebrows shot up. He continued: "I still think Oliver needs you and loves you. But I have no right to tell him or you, what to do."

"So what, if I decide to give this thing with Ray Palmer a try, you are ok with it?"

"If you decide so, yes. But I hope I may give you an advice." Felicity nodded. "Don't rush things. You have feelings for Oliver and it hurt, when he pushed you away. But please don't make Ray Palmer your consolation prize. That's not fair to either Oliver nor Palmer nor you. Take your time to find out, what you want, what you feel. Because whether you want it or not this whole situation can get all three of you hurt."

Felicity fell silent again. John finished feeding his daughter, burped her and brought her back into her room, to change her diapers. Felicity followed him and watched him from the door of the nursery - still lost in thought.

After laying the infant down in her crib, the two friends returned to the kitchen. John couldn't stand the silence no longer. "So... coming back to the important stuff" , he smirked, "in less than 7 weeks you have been kissed by three handsome men. If you go on like that, you turn into pre-island Oliver Queen!"

That broke the ice. Both broke out in a fit of laughter and that's how Lyla found them, when she came into the kitchen.

"Hey, Felicity, what brings you over." Lyla hugged the younger woman and leaned over to kiss John."

Felicity still had a small smile on her face. "I just had a... thing to talk about with John. Sorry I interrupted your dinner preparations. I am on my way..."

But John didn't want to have anything about it. "Nonsense! You stay for dinner." And Lyla added: "Yes of course. I mean you weren't here yesterday...' She stopped when she saw John shaking his head slightly.

But Felicity didn't even react to her near slip. "Yeah, John asked me do come over, but I had a work dinner yesterday.

The three friends prepared dinner together and sat down to eat - all the while talking about everything under the sun... except Oliver. Felicity insisted on helping Lyla washing the dishes afterwards and then declined the offer to stay a little longer.

"I have some things to finish at the foundry. Yesterday was a little chaotic."

John stood up from the couch. "Come on, I'll see you out."

Felicity hugged Lyla goodbye and followed John to the door.

John looked at her seriously. "I see you at the foundry later. But you should try to get some sleep tonight, Felicity. Don't give yourself so much pressure. Wait, how it goes on, and when you are unsure, how to proceed or are uncomfortable with anything they expect from you - and I mean Oliver as well as Palmer - take a step back, take your time, make a decision and then make a step in the direction you think is right."

"That easy?", Felicity asked with doubt in her voice.

He leaned down and hugged her. "Yes, some things in life are that easy." They both smiled.

Coming back into the living room, John sank down beside Lyla.

She smiled at him. "So Dr. Diggle, are your consultation hours done for today?" At his slightly annoyed gaze, she clarified. "Don't be mad. I didn't eavesdrop. It's just, first Oliver suddenly comes to our dinner yesterday and is in a weird mood. And today it's Felicity, who sees you later anyway, so her being here must have been about something serious."

John chuckled. "Don't worry. No apocalypse in sight. And I am not going into details. It's just, instead of talking with each other, they come to me. I really hope, they figure this out soon."

"You're a good man, John Diggle. You know that, right?" Lyla leaned in to kiss him.

"They are my friends. And I want to see them happy with each other. But I can only give advice. They have to get there on their own - step by step."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't expect there will be another chapter, but that's what I thought after the first one.

**Author's Note:**

> So even as this kiss was a step back for Olicity, Oliver's reaction may mean, that he is now on his (probably long) way into the right direction.  
> Oliver is uncharacteristically chatty in this fic , but I liked him to open up to Diggle. One step forward.


End file.
